I love that I’m on my 100-day challenge journey with a sister, Nicole Frederickson. I love being able to read her writing day-to-day and gaining insights on how this journey is changing her.

At the same time–my numbers are off from hers by 12. It’s a daily reminder that I skipped some days. I’m sure no one else is counting, but me–and the inner critic raises its ugly head every single time. So, blogging allows me some space for reflective practice around where I haven’t kept my word. Here are some questions I ask myself.

1. What is the real reason I fell through?
2. Has my commitment changed?
3. What hidden expectations made the task harder to complete?
4. What new systems can I put in place to fulfill my word next time?
5. What am I committed to now?

What is the real reason I fell through?

There are the reasons I tell myself, and then there’s what actually happens. When I stop to do some self-reflective practice, I promise myself not to lie.

On the earlier days of this journey, I fell through on writing, mainly for self-care. Self-care is my first commitment; I’ve promised myself I’d take care of myself no-matter-what so that commitment supersedes everything else.

Then there was last week. It wasn’t self-care. It was some mushy non-committal part of me that got distracted or gave up. One day, I didn’t feel like it. the next, I forgot. the next, I wrote but didn’t post it immediately. I told myself It wasn’t good enough to post. Hmmm….gotta look at these excuses. They show up a lot.

Has my commitment changed?

This is a great opportunity to reconnect with my why. Why am I doing this? Is it still alive for me?

I chose to do this so I could exercise the muscle of sharing my writing daily, sharing my evolution moment by moment, and living more soulfully. This last piece has me pause. Have I been writing soulfully? Or has my arrival in the USA signed my returning to the familiar rat-race where writing is just another to-do on my never-ending to-do-list? I think the latter. Reality check. What’s missing is more space for soulfulness in my life.

Ok. My commitment hasn’t changed, my approach to it has.

What hidden expectations made the task harder to complete?

This is a good one. While the commitment was soulfulness, in practice I told myself I had to publish only what I had just written. This expectation does not serve me. It’s making the process harder–which takes away from the commitment–soulfulness. I’m human. I get  t o have down-days where I don’t  want to share my thoughts with the world and I prefer to be more private.

When new systems can I put in place to fulfill my word next time?

I’ll consider having some drafted pieces that I can publish when I don’t feel like writing newly that day. For now, yesterday and today, I started a draft the day before to publish the day after. One-day-old-thinking  still feels fresh to me!

What am I committed to now?

I’m committed to my health, my joy, justice, and sharing myself in the world–IN THAT ORDER. the writing is welcome as long as it fosters all that. If I fall off the bandwagon because it no longer does, I have to revisit the promise to continue. For now: FULL SPEED AHEAD! I hope my process sparks something in you. What self-reflective process do you use when you fall-out on your commitments? How do you know if it’s time to renew your commitments or let them go?